Kids and Stuff Talk to Them

Yesterday I got shafted by my family, and rightfully so. I had to admit that I am a capo snob. My wife got me a perfectly fine capo for my guitar for Christmas. It's just that she bought it at Target. We were sitting around the dinner table and I had nowhere to hide.

"Why don't you like it daddy? It works just fine. Just say what's wrong with it?"

"Is the reason you don't like it because it's from Target, and you don't like Target?"

"What kind of lesson are you teaching your children?"

I had to lay it all out on the table. "I am a capo snob. Though I have no reason to think so, my capo snobbery makes me believe that a capo bought at Target is not as good as a capo bought at a music store, such as Guitar Center." Then I concluded, "You are right. I am sorry."

I plan to write more about topics like "A Daddy's Guide To His Kids Consumption." There are many practical ways to help children resist the insatiable drive of American-style consumerism. And I look forward to sharing some ideas, and hearing suggestions from you.

But the most important first step parents can take... is to talk about consumerism with their kids. Treat your children respectfully, not as babies and not as adults; treat them respectfully as children. Children are people who deserve more credit than we often give them, but still need to grow up. Talk to them about purchasing choices. Talk to them about how the most important things in life cannot be bought at the mall. Talk to them about the good and bad buying decisions you have made.

Don't allow whining and begging and frustration be the only context in which you discuss buying stuff with your kids. Instead chat about it casually. Discuss it thoughtfully. Process through the frustration of it. Laugh about it. In other words, make stuff normal.

Comments

[365girl]

My 18 month old Son broke his 5 year old sisters headband this morning as she left for school. Immediately I started down the line of 'It's okay I'll get you another one...' then stopped myself. She was getting upset... I just said 'It's just a headband - it's not important'. There'll be no replacement - she has others. I'm actually glad he broke it - one less thing in the house! Might let him lose on some more stuff! Looking forward to more posts on how to deal with the sticky issue of kids wants versus their needs and peer pressure... I'm holding out on all the gadgets so far - but how long can I put off what I feel is inevitable without making my kids social lepers? ps you mention American-style consumerism in the post - I'm from the UK and we are definitely following the same slippery consumption slope...

[guynameddave]

365girl, thanks for sharing. I think you're right. There are some times when the lesson needs to be, "This isn't a big deal." It's fine to be gracious and get a replacement something after an accident. But that does not have to be the norm.

I recognize that consumerism is a global issue. My own feeling (maybe not 100% right) is that America has been the example and exporter of excessive consumption. That's why I call it "American-style consumerism."

Of course, buying stuff is a normal and appropriate human activity. How we've developed and corrupted that activity is, it seems to me, especially American.

[Somebody]

Dave,

"Children are people who deserve more credit than we often give them, but still need to grow up."

Really well said. The first part is often forgotten, and the second too often neglected as our responsibility.

I loved this two weeks ago, and I love it now, after reading your note today about kids, giving, and *giving kids a chance to be responsible human beings*, the whole post but especially the end here:
http://www.guynameddave.com/2010/01/big-saving-giving-spending-kids.html

[guynameddave]

Thanks. Yes, I think that the importance of respecting kids is so crucial to helping them grow up to be healthy adults. Thanks for that affirmation.