Kids & Stuff - Who Talks to Your Children More?

I'm making my way through Juliet Schor's book Born to Buy.  It is full of jaw-dropping information on how industry markets to children.  One example is the food industry that constantly sends messages to children, encouraging them to eat ever more junky foods.  See "Children targets of $1.6 billion in food ads."

Of course this raising a question: Who talks to your children more, you or media?

That's a bit of a trick question.  It probably would be near impossible for a parent to literally spend more time talking with, say an eight year old, than all "media" - TV (either at home or at friends or at family), textbooks, magazines, billboards, radio, etc.  But let's suppose that you're a nurturing parent who over the last eight years has earned the love and respect of your child.  I'd venture to say that your words carry more weight than most if not all of the media that your child hears.  Therefore, what you say gets tucked away inside your child's mind and heart.  Your words are more meaningful and lasting than the messages of anyone else.  The question is, are you taking advantage of that and talking with your kids?

We're not perfect in this regard.  But I will share some things that seem to have helped.

Nearly every day we "debrief" with our children.  We constantly ask them, "How's it going?"  I often, even randomly, pull my kids aside in the middle of some activity and say, "You know that if anything is ever on your mind, you can share it with me and Mom?"  Also we talk with our kids about advertising.  When we notice an ad that grabs our attention, we often discuss it.  We don't let marketers have the first, last, and only words.

My amazing wife has recently worked hard to get us in the routine of family dinners.  These are great.  We use this time to talk about our days, often each taking turns sharing our "best" and "worst" of the day's activities.  I cannot rant enough about the pleasures of family dinners, especially if you serve real food that doesn't come in boxes with advertising on the sides.

One last thing that is pretty radical but one of the best things that has ever happened to all our lives, we don't have a TV.  Our children have grown up without TV.  I'll probably talk a lot about this in future posts.  For now I'll just say that no TV is the fastest way to helping you talk more to your children than marketers talk to them.

Comments

[budding gardener, aka sarah]

I think getting rid of the TV is a great idea. I don't have kids, but when I was young my parents decided that, after years with the TV, they would just turn it off. For good. We didn't watch TV for two years. When they decided it was alright for us to watch again, we just weren't that interested. We'd learned how to have real fun. I haven't owned a TV myself in years (I do sometimes watch TV, and watch movies on my laptop), and if I ever get the chance to have kids, intend to stick with my tv-less lifestyle.

[Joseph Young]

Hello David!

First off i think your blog is excellent and very self aware off our surrounding. I find much of what you say is so true and especially when TV and Media is such an infuence in todays society.

But more to the subject when our TV broke down it took us 6-9 months before we aquired a new one and it was mostly for watching movies. I think its great not depending on TV when youve been without it so long, now when i see commercials i can study it in a different way since when im by the TV i watch it and dont just leave it on to spend time.

When we have children of our own ill remeber your viewpoints, and use it in my own way, dont want the childrens first words to be from commericals.

Keep up the good blog!

[Thomasina]

I grew up without a television. I was 14 when my family decided to replace the one that had died before I was born. It didn't cause me great distress at the time (only occasionally did I wish I could be watching some of the things my friends told me about) and I am absolutely grateful now. I don't have kids, but when/if I do, there won't be a television until they're teenagers.

[Dave Bruno]

Thanks for the comments!

It's funny. I bet I could sit down with Alan Alda and identify every episode of M.A.S.H. ever filmed. I watched so much TV growing up. It didn't ruin my life. But in many ways it didn't help either.

But TV seems more troubling to me these days. And I'm glad it's not a part of our lives. Anyway, I'm sure I'll write more about TV in future posts...

[Carla]

When my husband and I married in 1972 we somehow made a decision to never have a TV and we've stuck with it. Our poor daughters had to learn to read for their amusement, and much to the amazement of their friends, they actually LIKED it. We also suffered through family dinners every night, chatting back and forth, telling about our respective days, sometimes getting into arguments and sometimes having a giggle fest. OK, sometimes the food was nothing but hotdogs, but the table was set and we sat down together. I'll never forget the night one of the girls' friends was with us and after a few moments of looking around said, "Do you do this every night?" "Do what?" "Do this. Eat together, because we only do it on Thanksgiving." — Hmmmmm...

[Karen]

No TV here, too. It was the best thing we ever did for our family. Now...if we could just do something about our computer addiction. : )

[MommyChronicles]

We have recently unplugged the tv in our household, too, and a lot of it had to do with what you are talking about: advertising to kids. I found that even when there was something on that was okay for the kids to watch, the commercials were outrageous! We do have one tv plugged in with a dvd player for commercial free watching that we do together a couple times a week. But the only reason my daughter knows who Elmo is is from a toy that somebody gave us.

We're also big on family dinners. Our kids are still in booster seats and high chairs, so it is a challenge for us to keep it going (especially when Daddy is a pickier eater than the kids...He complains WAY more!) But it is completely worth the effort.